Category — The Parent Practice News
I am in a state of euphoria following the joyous and loving wedding last week of my middle child.
( I KNOW! How did that happen?) It seems only yesterday I was pulling my hair out wondering how to manage the little renegade, worrying that all my efforts to discipline him were doing him irreparable damage while being completely ineffective anyway. This is the child that regulars in my classes and workshops will know was the impetus for my husband and I taking the parenting course that changed my career and more importantly changed our family’s life and taught me so much about inter-personal relationships generally. So now he’s embarking on his own very important interpersonal relationship and I am really confident that he will handle it well.
When your child takes a partner (and yours may feel a long way off from this – but best to prepare now) you might have a secret wish list that you may not even be aware of yourself for the qualities you would like to find in that person. (Not that you have any say of course –but just hoping!) You would of course wish for them to make your child happy and hope that they will always have your beloved’s back. I am confident that my son and his new wife have three of the necessary attributes that make for a good partnership: they are really good friends, they know how to handle conflict and they share many of the same values. It was apparent that one of their shared values (from the way they planned their wedding) was a common belief in family. Every single member of their extended (and extensive) families was included in some way.
We can start preparing our children, however young, for future relationships (and current ones) by:
- modelling for them what it means to be friends and encouraging their own friendships; in particular encouraging in them the qualities that make for good friendships such as sharing, by noticing and mentioning it when we see those qualities in them.
- spend time with your partner as well as your children so that you can know them well, what they like and dislike, what their goals and concerns are, what makes them laugh, what they value, how they feel about things.
- ask your partner as well as your children open-ended questions that allow you to find out all of the above.
- build up a culture of appreciation between your partner and your children by telling them (ALL the time) what you like about them.
- be on their side, listen to their point of view, give them the benefit of the doubt.
- model with your partner and teach your children to resolve conflict well, ie ask for what you want or need without criticism or blame (criticism is death to relationships); acknowledge the other person’s point of view; if an interaction gets negative repair and redirect it; compromise.
- Remember if something has gone wrong it is not as important to assign responsibility for it, ie blame, as it is to repair and move on. I like a quote that was on one of the wedding cards our newly-weds received: if you’re wrong own up, if you’re right shut up.
04/04/2013 No Comments
The Path to Somewhere
The Parent Practice is delighted with the response of our two screenings of “Race to Nowhere” earlier this month. If you attended a screening, we hope you enjoyed it. If you weren’t there, we thought you might like to hear how the screenings went!
If you’re unfamiliar with “Race to Nowhere”, it is an American documentary that explores the pressures today’s children are under to succeed. While the film is American in content, the themes are absolutely universal, and as we saw from the speed with which the tickets sold, it seems the concerns are shared by many parents in the UK.
While some children are able to thrive with pressure placed upon them by schools and extracurricular activities, there are also many that aren’t able to deal as well. This film tells their stories. It raises so many questions: the benefits of standardised testing and early years’ homework, getting into the ‘best’ school versus a school where that particular child may be better able to flourish, and redefining success.
We had initially planned on holding only one screening at Channel 4, and were bowled over by the overwhelming response which had that screening sell out within hours – and almost crash our website! The waitlist quickly grew, so we decided to host a second screening at the Clapham Picture House. Overall, the film screened to over 150 people. Both screenings were followed by a 30 minutes panel discussion which was led by Elaine Halligan of The Parent Practice, and included Bonnie Harris M.S. Ed, the author of the series of parenting books including What To Do When Kids Push Your Buttons; Heather Hanbury, Headteacher at Wimbledon High School; Charles Bonas, Educational Consultant & Commentator; Sue Kumleben, Facilitator with the Parent Practice, Holli Rubin (Psychotherapist), and Philippa Jackson (Headteacher of Hollymount School).
From the panel discussion, and conversations afterwards, it was apparent that all the parents attending have a clear awareness of the challenges and pressures their children face within today’s education system. There is a collective sense of helplessness – many parents feel they are on a treadmill, and that if they decide to step off, they have in some way failed their children, despite knowing instinctively it may be the best thing for them!
Although our audience was just a small sample of parents, it was clear to us that that there is a considerable increase in parents’ concerns about how their children are coping at school. At the same time, many parents don’t believe they possess the appropriate knowledge, confidence or courage to support their children through school, and make the most appropriate choices for them.
If anyone is interested in hosting their own screening of the film we are happy to support you in doing so. It looks like there will be 2 or 3 more screenings in the London area this spring/summer.
We feel really thrilled to have brought this film to London and look forward to seeing what impact it will have for parents and educators alike. Some changes have already started to happen! A few days after the first screening, Wimbledon High School’s Headteacher blogged that:
“We should beware of ‘over-scheduling’ children’s lives: students need time just to ‘be’, to play, to ‘hang out’ – it’s something we believe in strongly at WHS. Within our new timetable, which I am announcing soon as part of the outcome of the curriculum review, there will be more time at lunchtime to do just that. I want our students to enjoy extra-curricular clubs for their own sake, not in order, as they get older, to tick boxes on a UCAS (university entrance) form. I do think that busy teenagers are often the happiest. Those with interests and hobbies will gain confidence which will help them academically as much as socially. But those interests have to come from the girls themselves – we can’t and shouldn’t push them.
True to our Parent Practice ethos, we have decided to be part of the solution as well, and to focus our minds and resources on creating a response for parents. We are in the process of developing a workshop, which has a working title of ‘The Path To Somewhere’. This workshop will look at how we can re-define success, and how we can empower our children with appropriate life-skills so they can thrive within whichever school environment best suits them.
So, stay tuned … it looks like something exciting may be starting to happen, and we’re proud to be part of it! And in the meantime, we’ll let you know when ‘Path to Somewhere’ is ready to launch!
If you’re curious to know more about the film, please take a look at www.racetonowhere.com.
22/03/2011 No Comments
Welcome to The Parent Practice website, we hope that you like our new look and that you find the site easy to navigate. We believe that the skills and strategies taught at The Parent Practice are useful tools for any parent facing the daily challenge of raising children – we hope that our new look will reflect this and help make our services accessible to every parent.
Our news section will include comments and reports about The Parent Practice and our work, up to date research from experts, testimonials from our clients and even the occasional joke that has made us chuckle. Parenting is a hot topic in the media, and never before have parenting skills and practices been more scrutinised. This adds pressure to parents trying to do the right thing, but with coverage often presenting opposing extremes we are often left confused about what truly is the best way to raise our children. We will post comments about news items in this section, and aim to give you a clear and balanced perspective about the issue. If you come across any coverage we’ve missed – please let us know.
Do give us your feedback on any of the articles in this section and we’d love to hear about what you think about the new look – as always we continue to evolve and improve as a result of your comments.
Many thanks for your interest – enjoy the site!
The Parent Practice team.
21/05/2010 No Comments