The Parent Practice Media Press Release

10.10.10. is the launch date of The Parent Practice Media

 “GET THE BEST PERFORMANCE FROM YOUR STAFF BY HELPING THEM BE BETTER PARENTS”…says The Parent Practice Media

  The Parent Practice Media – a unique and ground-breaking training service to the Media and Communications industry is being launched this week by executive search & selection firm The Stevens Company and The Parent Practice. 

 In these financially lean times fewer people are being employed in the media and communications industry and the increased complexity of work means the pressure to perform in the workplace has never been greater. Parental guilt is rife within the media industry due to the long working hours and high-pressure environments. In two thirds of families both parents work and many people working in the media confess to spending a significant amount of time worrying about home life issues during working hours. Add to this the increased number of challenges of parenthood brought about by the modern day child’s relationship with the internet, social networking, celebrity culture, electronic games and competitive schooling it is apparent that the time is right to help working media parents be the best they can be at home for their children and at work for their employers. Hence the idea for The Parent Practice Media was born.

 The two companies will work together to provide positive parenting courses, workshops, consultations, advice and on-going support for working media parents and their employers. The courses are also available to other individuals involved in the care of children.

 Melissa Hood founded The Parent Practice (TPP) in 2004. The organisation has an outstanding record of teaching positive and practical skills and strategies to thousands of parents and carers facing the daily challenges of raising children. The work is carried out in TPP’s 4 London centres, in schools, children’s centres and companies across the UK.  The practice works directly with over 250 families annually and over 5000 people have walked through their doors since inception. 

  ”The Parent Practice Course literally changed my thinking about what children need from their parents and what parents and families can gain from some very straightforward and hugely influential skills.  It helped me to understand my child better and my reactions to him’  Francesca Grade, mother of one.

  Linda Stevens founded The Stevens Company in 1989 and has raised three children as well as creating one of the most successful media recruitment companies of the last two decades.

 ”Trying to juggle a full-time senior media role with children is tough and can sometimes become an impossibility, so to have advice, insight and support from professional practitioners can only be helpful and at times a lifeline.  By re-directing your energies into your daily job a commercial output will definitely be delivered”  Linda Smith, Executive Chairwoman, Radio Advertising Bureau and mother of  three

 ”Raising children is probably the most challenging job you will ever do, holding down a job in media is probably the second; we aim to help with both”   The Parent Practice MediaThe Parent Practice Media Press Release 7 10 2010 final version

 For more information please visit our website www.theparentpractice.com or call Linda Stevens on 020 7228 1211/07775 784340 or Elaine Halligan on 020 8673 3444/07752 347817

By Ann Magalhaes

I remember growing up, when school reports were handed out and I received grades around the 80% mark. I would then call my Dad and tell him the results, feeling pretty good about myself.  His response was inevitably something like: “what happened to the other 20%”.  Now, to my teenage ears, what I heard was “you didn’t do well enough, or you could have done better, or you were lazy and didn’t study enough.”  My enthusiasm, and motivation to try harder deflated faster than a popped balloon!

Years later, I mentioned this to him and he was really surprised that his words had had such an impact on me.  He told that his intention was always about getting me to think about the other 20%, and that in his eyes, I was so capable of achieving 100%.  He only wanted me to look at the gap and to understand what I could have done differently. 

Fast forward 25 years, and I now have my own child, and one of my greatest concerns is that she will also not put in that extra effort.  What I hope for her is that she works hard to do the best that she can, and that she has the confidence to go for things – whether it be academically or extra curricular. 

A few months ago I was reading Mindset, the Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck.  I bought the book after seeing her interviewed by the comedian David Baddiel, who had filmed a documentary about education.  In the show he asked for her opinion about the worst things we can tell our children.  Her response surprised him – and me! She told him that the worst three words we can say to our children are “You’re. So. Clever.”  And don’t we all do it?  ‘Good job, great game, clever girl, atta boy’ Curious, I had Amazon mailing the book to me by the end of the week!   Dweck writes about instilling in our children (and ourselves!) what she calls a growth mindset – believing that intelligence is not innate, but can be developed.  As parents, we need to ensure we’re doing this is by praising the effort and attitude that our kids are putting into their work, sports, musical instrument practices.  It’s about having the curiosity to learn rather than the desire to feel smart; it’s about being able to perceive feedback as contribution rather than criticism; it’s about seeing others as potential collaborators rather than threats.  It makes so much sense! The aspect of growth mindset that I love the most is the focus on trial and error – allowing ourselves the freedom to make mistakes and to learn from them. 

While writing this blog, I was watching some Carol Dweck interviews on Youtube, and spotted a Nike commercial featuring Michael Jordan – quite possibly the best basketball player ever.  He says “I have missed over 9000 shots in my career, I’ve lost almost 300 games; been trusted with the game-winning shot 26 times – and missed.  I failed over and over and over and that is why I succeed”.  One of the most challenging things we face as parents is the ability to let our kids make mistakes.  Perhaps by allowing them the privilege of making mistakes, we also allow them the privilege of figuring things out for themselves, and allowing them to shine!

By Elaine Halligan

From the moment your child is born, the conversation from coffee mornings to dinner parties can become unhealthily preoccupied with the topic of schools, and for many parents this can almost leave them bordering on an obsessive, compulsive disorder!

 “Overly pressurised” and “far too much competition“ are the phrases that come to mind. Competition is healthy if it means we are teaching our children to do their best and strive to improve, and in this process we need to teach them how to handle failure and to regard it as an impetus for improvement. Competition is good as long as you don’t devalue yourself or others in the process -i.e. what are they prepared to do in order to get ahead? The recent “Blood Gate” scandal last year with the Harlequins rugby team gave our family much fodder for discussion as we analysed the nature of competition in sport. We are highly competitive on the sporting front and winning is important but not at any cost if it means we end up devaluing ourselves by cheating.

 We can have a huge impact as parents on the way our children view themselves. This is built over time -you can’t ‘quick-fix’ it. If you only focus on and praise achievements the child will come to feel that something is wrong if they don’t come top/win the race/ get voted as class captain/ get a leading role in the play. The child who gets 7/10 in a spelling test and can’t report back to his parents the result through fear of disappointing them, will in time view themselves negatively and this will impact on their self esteem.

 What does this all mean for you if you are in the process of choosing schools for the first time or at secondary level? Always match your child’s needs to an individual environment suited to them – this is the hardest part as many of us may not understand or accept our child’s temperament; character; strengths and weaknesses –both social and academic.

Be careful of labelling an educational environment as overly pressurised. There is only too much pressure if indeed your child is struggling and not sufficiently supported in that environment. If your child is academi­cally able, is in good work habits and has the ability to be organised the environment will be right for him.

Be aware of the impact on children of prizes and comparative grades. In reality prizes often go to the same children every year and many know they are never going to get a prize so forms no kind of incentive, and can lead to feelings of hopelessness. Comparative grades are the kind where your child is ranked in class as opposed to their own performance being looked at on its own and against the last effort. There are many high performing schools that have no prizes for academic achievement . Instead they recognise the achievements of the pupils whether sporting; in the arts, or the school community or in contribution to the liberal work the school has been involved with

How well rounded will those pupils be when they move into the adult world, knowing from the exam grades obtained how well they have done and also being commended for their activities outside the classroom!

 Do your research; follow your beliefs and value system and stay calm in the face of other’s rising hysteria!

By Elaine Halligan

By Ann Magalhaes

My 7 year old is a Suzuker! Since she was 4 ½ she has been learning the violin using the Suzuki Method, a method I chose because I have a few friends who themselves learned the Suzuki way, and highly recommended it. Her school had a very inspired teacher who was introducing a new programme and I thought it would be great for her to start to learn such a beautiful instrument. For those unfamiliar with Suzuki, the method requires a good deal of involvement from a parent. I attend a weekly private lesson, and a weekly group lesson, with the occasional music camp thrown in for good purpose! At home, my role is to be the teacher/coach — avidly looking out for a beautiful bow-hold, or listening for just a bit more smoothness in a piece.

I really love the idea of Suzuki! The teaching ethos is about focusing on the positive before adding what needs to be improved. It’s a very motivating way to learn a musical instrument, and books have been written to support parents in being great coaches. But, the reality of it is that it can often be challenging. I often wonder if parents with kids who learn by a non-Suzuki system have an easier time of it, and perhaps they do. I have an amazing daughter! Most of the time she is cooperative, kind, hard-working, creative … all great things. When she wants to practice, she plays beautifully, but when she doesn’t want to, she has an incredible ability to go from angel to tyrant in 0.6 seconds – way faster than an F1 car.

About a year ago I realized that the problem wasn’t her motivation, but quite possibly, the problem was me, and how I was being with her during her practices. About the same time I was reading The Price of Privilege, an amazing book about raising children who have been raised with every luxury, to have self-esteem, confidence, ambition, and healthy relationships.

Only twelve pages in, I read “Intrusion and support are two different processes. Support is about the needs of the child, and intrusion is about the needs of the parent.” I instantly related this to violin, and saw that I was being an intrusive mother. Her violin practices weren’t about her! They were about her looking good to the teacher, showing that she had practiced, and that she had learned something new. There was nothing about the joy of playing a beautiful piece of music, the fun of making new sounds, or simply screeching away at the bow to sound like a cat! No, practice was about ticking boxes, and being able to say that 5/7 days, she had practiced! Little shock, then, that practices quickly spiraled into hellish arguments!

I had to think pretty quickly about how I could switch from being a nagging intrusive mother to being a helpful and supportive parent! Now, instead of saying something like “OK, play Go Tell Aunt Rhodie”, I say to her, “which piece would YOU like to start with?”. I now sit down with her before each practice to ask her about which pieces she will play – along with the piece she is learning. I remind her that I am going to sit down, and listen, and offer support when she needs it. Rather than constantly jumping in with nagging and criticism, I can now sit and listen to her play, and this has helped her to in turn listen to the coaching that I am required to offer!

Another quote from the same book reads:

“It’s odd that my mom is everywhere and nowhere at the same time.
Being everywhere is about intrusion; being nowhere is about lack of connection.”

I realized that I had been everywhere during her practices, helping to make it a ritual that was not fun at all!! The actual process of developing good habits around lessons and practicing has taught me so much more than how to play Twinkle Twinkle! I have learned a lot about how to be a better parent, and in doing so, the space for connection has opened up, and practicing is becoming a real joy

Anyone read Sue Palmer’s book “Toxic Childhood” and started panicking that all the modern technology is having a hugely harmful effect on our children, not to mention ourselves?  I have only just started tweeting; blogging and facebooking and find myself fascinated about this social networking world and realise perhaps how easy it is to become addicted! As adults we hope we are able to exercise some form of self control, but how easy is that for our kids?

Is it little wonder therefore that Sue writes about  how the modern world is affecting how our children are growing up? 

 A general deterioration in children’s learning and behaviour is being reported throughout the world, and Sue Palmer, a leading authority on literacy, looks through all the different reasons for this and shows how they are connected, rather than focussing on or blaming any one particular issue. She suggests there is a fundamental clash between “our technology driven culture and our biological heritage” because children still develop and mature at “human speed” whereas the world around them moves at “electric speed”.

 What does this mean for us as parents? It means we need to be really clear about our values and the importance of good nutrition, adequate sleep, plenty of opportunities to play, quality childcare and ensuring good forms of communication. We need a good toolkit of skills to achieve all this!

Can you detoxify your life? Look out for The Parent Practice course on Children’s use of TV, internet and electronic games  – Keeping Children Safe and Healthy – click here for more details.