September 13th, 2020
If your children have just gone back to school and are feeling a bit anxious about it all they may benefit from a boost to their confidence from a surprising quarter –housework. You may have been thinking that now that they are back at school and have their studies to focus on you should let them off doing jobs around the house. Don’t.
Chores are more than specific pieces of work done out of duty - doing them benefits the whole family as well as the individual child both in the present and for the future. Children who contribute to household tasks develop the following desirable attitudes or qualities:
Studies have shown that involving kids in household chores from an early age gives benefits across their whole lives, such as completion of education, getting started on a career path, IQ, relationships with family and friends, and not using drugs. The researchers determined that the best predictor of young adults' success in their mid-20s was that they participated in household tasks when they were three or four.
Even though parents say they believe in the value of chores many of us don’t ask kids to do them at all because
Even quite young children can do jobs. 3-4 year olds can wipe down a table and wash brushes after a painting session, put away toys after play and put clothes in drawers, thus learning that there are consequences to their actions and they need to take care of their own messes and look after their own things. They can pull up a duvet and put a pillow on the bed, can put laundry in a hamper, sort clothes into darks and lights, feed (or help to feed) a pet, lay a table, take everyone’s plates over to the sink and even help vacuum and wipe down a sink after tooth-brushing. Doing these tasks will require teaching in small steps and supervising.
5-8 year olds can do all of the above a bit more independently and help unpack the dishwasher, assist in washing the car, put away groceries, fold washing, water plants and some dusting (watch the precious ornaments!) and gardening work such as raking and weeding (you may need to identify which ones are the weeds).
8-12 year olds can add to that list emptying the washing machine and hanging washing on the line, washing dishes and pots and pans, putting rubbish bins out on collection day, cleaning up after pets, helping with food shopping and preparation, wiping down kitchen benchtops and bathroom surfaces and bathing independently.
Teenagers can also gradually take responsibility for planning and preparing simple meals, cleaning the fridge, toilet and shower, caring for younger siblings and ironing.
The best way to get children involved in contributing to household tasks is to change parental attitudes to and language around them. Move away from a coercive approach to one based on connection and motivation. Maybe don’t call them ‘chores’, but ‘responsibilities’ or ‘contributions’. I found that when I changed my language around tasks my children were much more willing to engage with them.
When my son started secondary school he was feeling very nervous at moving to a much bigger environment. It seemed counterintuitive to give him more responsibilities at a time when he was already dealing with so much but it really helped him believe in his own capacities.
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