May 25th, 2020
You may be aware that last week was Mental Health Awareness week in the UK and the theme for this year is kindness. Kindness is obviously not something we just want to look at in one particular week but something to encourage in our children throughout their lives.
Dictionaries define kindness as the quality of being friendly, generous, considerate and caring. I would also include empathy, since the ability to recognise how others feel is a prerequisite to caring, concern and consideration. These are qualities that are not necessarily innate in a person. Parents can encourage kindness in children. We can build the skill of empathy.
So why do we need to encourage kindness and empathy? Well one of the lessons from the coronavirus pandemic is a reminder that human beings are inherently social creatures. We need to connect to each other. We rely on cooperation to survive and thrive. There is much research which shows that cooperation, rather than competition, produces better strategies faster to deal with problems. It will be interesting to see what approaches affect the development of Covid-19 vaccines. There are many examples that have emerged from this health crisis of kindnesses from one person to another. I have loved the feeling of togetherness in my neighbourhood as people have greeted and looked out for one another. Many apps and online groups have sprung up offering to help those in need at this time and there have been many heart-warming stories of support.
We know that mental health is very much improved by small acts of kindness or connections, whether as the recipient or the person doing that act of giving. Research shows that kindness is the antidote to stress and it can increase happiness and self-esteem. There is evidence that small acts of altruism improve our self-image, and our behaviour. There is also evidence that kindness can improve our physical health and academic performance as well as prolonging our lives!
We want our children to learn to be kind of course so that they will enjoy good and meaningful friendships. By encouraging kindness in our children we can reduce the epidemic of bullying that is causing so much anxiety and depression in our kids. We also hope for a future where adults brought up on a diet of considering other’s perspectives may actually be able to solve the world’s problems better than those focused primarily on their own needs.
So how do we encourage kindness in our children? Michele Borba, in her book ‘Unselfie’, addresses just this and she offers hope when she says that “Kindness is contagious”. In her research she found that when children practiced simple acts of kindness it started a ‘kindness revolution’ in their community, changing behaviour and attitudes.
To teach children kindness the adults in their lives need to:
What this means is that adults need to demonstrate in their daily interactions with the children and others that they think about how the other thinks and feels. Don’t make this be something to beat yourself up about for not doing but tune in and notice the small kind things you do all the time like giving your upset child a hug. We do this on a daily basis in simple ways:
Let’s make kindness more contagious than Covid-19!
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